Monday, February 25, 2013

Looking for some happiness...

   My exams are over. It didnt go as I expected. I failed 2 exams. I'm waiting for decision from senior if I can continue my studies. I don't know what to do now. I'm sitting at home, not going anywhere, not talking to people. I'm sad and alone. I hate being like that. I like myself smiling and now I don't want to smile anymore. I feel like I'm no more. It's terrible feeling. I know that its not the end of the world, but this studies are really important to me. I really want to finish it with positive gradue. If I couldn't go to my dream school I want to finish this one. But it will be hard. Maybe I shouldn't give up? I don't know. I know one thing, that I did what I could. True is that I couldn't focus on my study because of my home situation. I should focus on my study not on my mom's behavior. But what happened, happened so I can't change it. Now I'm waiting for and I have to be positive. But if I won't get agreement I have to find some job and go abroad to work, because in my place there is no work for young people. I'm looking for a job for 2 weeks and I couldn't find anything for me :( But I hope I can find something soon. If I can continune my studies I will go to job anyway. Well, not now, but on Summer. I have to earn some money, because I have to buy new laptop (I tould you that mine is old and broken), I need new phone, my is so old that I can't even take a picture. I also want to go somewhere. Somewhere were there is not many people, to think about all this what happened and what I should to next in my life. I need support from someone I know that, but first I should think about what is for me and what is not. 
  I wish I could write some positive post here! I want "the old Anna" back! I want to laugh because nothing, I want to make smile my friends, I want to not care about every little thing, I want to focus on my and my life, my problems, and my happiness. I want to do something with my life. I want to be happy again and enjoy life! Is this really so much?

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