The best week ever!!

   I'm  really sorry for not writing for such a long time. I had problems with my health and some problems at home. I felt like nobody wants to help me, but it changed :)
   Last week I spend in Wrexham. It's a small town in Wales, UK. I wet there to visit my best friend. It was surprise for him. He had no idea that I'm coming. It was so good to see him :) and I think he was happy to see me because he cried ;) It was a grat time. We went for trip to Chester, for shopping! It was the best for me :D I bought so many clothes :) I love shopping and my friend doesn't :P Next day he was screaming for me because his legs hurt him :P But I had great time shopping :D
   Other day we went to Llangollen. I love this city. It such a lovely place :) I could stay there and live there as homeless person :P We were walking on river (not like Jesus :P, but on stones :) ).
   I felt in love with this city. So many beautiful places, homes, nice people. I know I have to come back there soon! This is the place where I feel amazing and nobody can disturb me. It's wonderful to feel all this feelings which I could feel there without having somebody next to you. I could be there alone and I know that it would be the same excting as with friends :)
   This is the best place for me I think!

Happy Easter !!!!

  The best wishes for Ester time to you and your families! :)
P.S I promise that soon I'll wrote a new post! It's going to be surprise for somebody special for me, so I can't say anything now :P

Really Hard Week

   Last week wasn't the best for me. I was twice in hospital and i felt really bed. I had also an argue with my roommate. I'm normal girl, I think so, but she... she is dfferent. She can do everything with guys in our room when I'm here, so I dont like it. 
   Why I was in hospital? this is a good question. I felt really bad, my stomach hurt, I felt huge pain and I thought that it could be something serious. That's why I decided to go to the hospital. I waited almost 3 hours for a doctor. I thought that I can't make it, it hurt me soo bad. But when they did to me all examination, everything was ok and doctors didn't know why it hurts me. First time they gave me prescription and I bought all medicines. I spend a lot of money, but it was getting worse. So I went again and I get an other prescription, and again I had to spend money. And now I have no idea how to survive without money till the end of the month. But there is good point too :)  I had my friend next to me so she helped me with all. She took me there, and waited with me. It's so nice to have somebody to lean on :) I'm glad that I have her next to me :) 
   What's more... In South Poland there is soo much snow that cars and some houses are almost cover :P This isn't a good news, but my little brother is amazed because of the snow :) My friend told me that they can't go anywhere by car. there is too much snow. It's hard to get anywhere. So mostly they all stay at home. I had to stay at home too, because I'm sick :( But tomorrow I'm going back to my University and friends. They miss me :) I get calls every day :) It's so nice to know that somebody is worried about you :) 
    
  I hope you have more reasons to be happy every day! :)
  Cheers!

Looking for some happiness...

   My exams are over. It didnt go as I expected. I failed 2 exams. I'm waiting for decision from senior if I can continue my studies. I don't know what to do now. I'm sitting at home, not going anywhere, not talking to people. I'm sad and alone. I hate being like that. I like myself smiling and now I don't want to smile anymore. I feel like I'm no more. It's terrible feeling. I know that its not the end of the world, but this studies are really important to me. I really want to finish it with positive gradue. If I couldn't go to my dream school I want to finish this one. But it will be hard. Maybe I shouldn't give up? I don't know. I know one thing, that I did what I could. True is that I couldn't focus on my study because of my home situation. I should focus on my study not on my mom's behavior. But what happened, happened so I can't change it. Now I'm waiting for and I have to be positive. But if I won't get agreement I have to find some job and go abroad to work, because in my place there is no work for young people. I'm looking for a job for 2 weeks and I couldn't find anything for me :( But I hope I can find something soon. If I can continune my studies I will go to job anyway. Well, not now, but on Summer. I have to earn some money, because I have to buy new laptop (I tould you that mine is old and broken), I need new phone, my is so old that I can't even take a picture. I also want to go somewhere. Somewhere were there is not many people, to think about all this what happened and what I should to next in my life. I need support from someone I know that, but first I should think about what is for me and what is not. 
  I wish I could write some positive post here! I want "the old Anna" back! I want to laugh because nothing, I want to make smile my friends, I want to not care about every little thing, I want to focus on my and my life, my problems, and my happiness. I want to do something with my life. I want to be happy again and enjoy life! Is this really so much?

Who can live like that??

   Have you eve heard that you are the biggest mistake that somebody could make? Have you ever heard that because of you somebody had the worst life ever? Have you ever heard that you should not to live or you should never be born? I have. Not a first time. I cant stand it anymore... It's not my fault that I'm here. It's not my fault that I was born. So how people say these things to me? Is it normal to hear it from your parent? Is it really normal? What can I do? I can't imagine to say something like this to my future children... I can sit in bathroom and cry... It's really killing me. It's such a shame for me to live with family like that. I dont have any support. I have to do everything on my own.
  I don't have job, I dont have enough money. I can't even afford for a doctor to check if I am healthy. Every day I can watch some celebs buy a house for billion of dollars. I can see my friends photos on facebook, where they were, what they saw. I want to go to work but I can't find anything. I could go abroad to earn some money but I can't buy a ticket because I don't have money. It really sucks. And I really need so many things to continue studies.
  How somebody say to you "don't let go your dreams"? or "never say never"? I think only about how to survive from month to month. I want to make my dreams come true but how? I love to sing, I love to play, but... When I was on audition to acting school they said to me that our country dont need actors with my look. They will hate me because of that. And can you imagine? One day and everything's over. How can these people decide who people like and not? It should be all about talent and passion. How can somebody treat you like that? 
  I have this blog I can write what I feel, but that's all. I was hoping that maybe somehow someone will hear my voice, that there is a person who need support or help from others. 
  It's not easy to write about it, but maybe somewhere there is a person like me and can't speak about her/his life.

Winter exams

  It begins! Winter exams... So much study, so little time.. But head up! I can make it! Yeaster day I pass test in mechanic (its a part of physics) and tomorrow maths... And next week exams start. I'm so scared that I don't have enough time to study.. There is some many things to learn... But I can't give up! :) My friand told me that she can help me if i need a help :) Its really nice to her! So today I'm going to study at her place. I have to pass this maths test! There is a good side too. If I pass all exams at first time I will have almost all month free. Isn't it amazing? :) When I end first round of exams I have week brak and I'm going home to rest and do shopping to relax (I think every girl likes it! ) :) But for now STUDY, STUDY, STUDY... Oh I really need a break! So many things to do... I'm so tired of this learning that I have "lazy days" :) I don't want to do anything, just stay in bed, drink hot tea and watch a good movie :)
 BTW I can't wait Academy Awards! I love watching Oscars! But when it's on at my place is 3 am so sometimes when I wach it I'm soo sleepy and my eyes are closing but I always watch it till the end! :) I watched almost every movie with nominations and I have to admit the they are really good movies!
  What's more..? Hmmm Let me think... I have to be more active on my blog :) But I hope You can understand my absence :)
  Oh I almost forgot! Some time ago my friend send me a link to one song and... it's AMAZING! I love it! :) It helps me chill :) and I can say that I can listen to it over and over again! :) Here it is! :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_XQaIcIAfg I hope you will enjoy this song as much as I am :) It helps me when I am really tired and I need a break from oll my notes.

I really look forward to end all this exams stuff and have more free time...

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