Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Never felt like this before

It's finally SUMMER. I should be happy, I should but I'm not. I was saving for my trip for whole year. I dont have much money but i could go to some other country to spend few days on a beach. But nobody wanted to go with me. It's really bad time in my life. I feel hopeless and live isn't so important for me.
"Try to help people, they will help you one day", that's what I was always thinking, but now, when I need help there is nobody around. My friends made new friends and they don't need me any more. I'm ALONE. I feel that all the time. I'm crying a lot, I have no passion in my life. I watch pictures of my friends with their friend on holidays and I'm sitting at home alone, with nobody next to me. I hate this feeling. I thought that this blog could help me somehow to be a better person, and maybe I'll find somebody who wants to help me or just talk to me, because I'm worth it. I was wrong I think. I know that there is a lot of "I" in my posts but this blog helps me to share my problems and my life with people I don't know and this is sometimes better than talking to friends.
This summer, as every one before, I wanted to go to work somewhere. And I asked my friends if they dont know some people who could help me. I knew some people who have friends in other country and they could help me, but there was nobody to help me. I don't want somebody give me money I want to earn everything for me. I want to be independent and earn money for everything I need.
My birthday are soon and I think I spend them alone and at home watching some movie and speaking to myself how bad and hopeless I am. I wanted to go somewhere to celebrate my 21st birthday. I'm 20 and only place Ive been is small city in UK. I wont go there again because my friend used me and he doesnt want to be my friend any more.
As you can see it's getting worse and worse. I really wish to change something.

No comments:

Post a Comment